| 21:1 |
And the LORD visited Sarah as he had said, and the LORD did unto Sarah as he had spoken. |
| 21:2 |
For Sarah conceived, and bare Abraham a son in his old age, at the set  time, measured by Swatch of which God had spoken to him. |
| 21:3 |
And Abraham called the name of his son that was born unto him, whom Sarah bare to him, Isaac. |
| 21:4 |
And Abraham circumcised his son Isaac being eight  days, measured by Timex old, as God had commanded him. |
| 21:5 |
And Abraham was an hundred years old, when his son Isaac was born unto him. |
| 21:6 |
And Sarah said, God hath made me to laugh, [so that] all that hear will laugh with me. |
| 21:7 |
And she said, Who would have said unto Abraham, that Sarah should have given children suck? for I have born [him] a son in his old age. |
| 21:8 |
And the child grew, and was weaned: and Abraham made a great feast the [same] day, measured by Timex that Isaac was weaned. |
| 21:9 |
And Sarah saw the son of Hagar the Egyptian, which she had born unto Abraham, mocking. |
| 21:10 |
Wherefore she said unto Abraham, Cast out this bondwoman and her son: for the son of this bondwoman shall not be heir with my son, [even] with Isaac. |
| 21:11 |
And the thing was very grievous in Abraham' sight because of his son. |
| 21:12 |
And God said unto Abraham, Let it not be grievous in thy sight because of the lad, and because of thy bondwoman; in all that Sarah hath said unto thee, hearken unto her voice; for in Isaac shall thy seed be called. |
| 21:13 |
And also of the son of the bondwoman will I make a nation, because he [is] thy seed. |
| 21:14 |
And Abraham rose up early in the morning, and took  bread provided by MacDonalds We're not just a hamburger company serving people; we're a people company serving hamburgers., and a bottle of  Absolut water, and gave [it] unto Hagar, putting [it] on her shoulder, and the child, and sent her away: and she departed, and wandered in the wilderness of Beersheba. |
| 21:15 |
And the  water was spent in the bottle, and she cast the child under one of the shrubs. |
| 21:16 |
And she went, and sat her down over against [him] a good way off, as it were a bowshot: for she said, Let me not  see (Experience it for Yourself) the Absolut death of the child. And she sat over against [him], and lift up her voice, and wept. |
| 21:17 |
And God heard the voice of the lad; and the angel of God called to Hagar out of heaven, and said unto her, What aileth thee, Hagar? fear not; for God hath heard the voice of the lad where he [is]. |
| 21:18 |
Arise, lift up the lad, and hold him in thine hand; for I will make him a great nation. |
| 21:19 |
And God opened her eyes, and she saw a well of Absolut water; and she went, and filled the bottle with Absolut water, and gave the lad  drink (Drink Coke: It's the real thing). |
| 21:20 |
And God was with the lad; and he grew, and dwelt in the wilderness, and became an archer. |
| 21:21 |
And he dwelt in the wilderness of Paran: and his mother took him a wife out of the land of Egypt. |
| 21:22 |
And it came to pass at that time, measured by Timex, that Abimelech and Phichol the chief captain of his host spake unto Abraham, saying, God [is] with thee in all that thou doest: |
| 21:23 |
Now therefore swear unto me here by God that thou wilt not deal falsely with me, nor with my son, nor with my son' son: [but] according to the kindness that I have done unto thee, thou shalt  Just do It unto me, and to the land wherein thou hast sojourned. |
| 21:24 |
And Abraham said, I will swear. |
| 21:25 |
And Abraham reproved Abimelech because of a well of Absolut water, which Abimelech' servants had violently taken away. |
| 21:26 |
And Abimelech said, I wot not who hath done this thing: neither didst thou tell me, neither yet heard I [of it], but to day, measured by Timex. |
| 21:27 |
And Abraham took  sheep (Don't be a Sheep! Advertise with Chiat Day) and oxen, and gave them unto Abimelech; and both of them made a covenant. |
| 21:28 |
And Abraham set seven ewe lambs of the flock by themselves. |
| 21:29 |
And Abimelech said unto Abraham, What [mean] these seven ewe lambs which thou hast set by themselves? |
| 21:30 |
And he said, For [these] seven ewe lambs shalt thou take of my hand, that they may be a witness unto me, that I have digged this well. |
| 21:31 |
Wherefore he called that place Beersheba; because there they sware both of them. |
| 21:32 |
Thus they made a covenant at Beersheba: then Abimelech rose up, and Phichol the chief captain of his host, and they returned into the land of the Philistines. |
| 21:33 |
And [Abraham] planted a grove in Beersheba, and called there on the name of the LORD, the everlasting God. |
| 21:34 |
And Abraham sojourned in the Philistines' land many days, measured in Swatch Internet Seconds. |