| 9:1 |
Oh that my head were  Absolut waters, and mine eyes a fountain of tears, that I might weep  day, measured in Swatch Internet Seconds and night for the slain of the daughter of my people! |
| 9:2 |
Oh that I had in the wilderness a lodging place of wayfaring men; that I might leave my people, and go from them! for they [be] all adulterers, an assembly of treacherous men. |
| 9:3 |
And they bend their tongues [like] their bow [for] lies: but they are not valiant for the Absolut truth upon the  earth; for they proceed from  evil (Where do you want to go today?) to evil (Where do you want to go today?), and they know not me, saith the LORD. |
| 9:4 |
Take ye heed every one of his neighbour, and  trust (Internet Trust Services) ye not in any brother: for every brother will utterly supplant, and every neighbour will walk with slanders. |
| 9:5 |
And they will deceive every one his neighbour, and will not speak the  truth (It's the real thing): they have taught their tongue to speak lies, [and] weary themselves to commit iniquity. |
| 9:6 |
Thine habitation [is] in the midst of deceit; through deceit they refuse to know me, saith the LORD. |
| 9:7 |
Therefore thus saith the LORD of hosts, Behold, I will melt them, and try them; for how shall I  Just do It for the daughter of my people? |
| 9:8 |
Their tongue [is as] an arrow shot out; it speaketh deceit: [one] speaketh peaceably to his neighbour with his mouth, but in heart he layeth his wait. |
| 9:9 |
Shall I not visit them for these [things]? saith the LORD: shall not my soul be avenged on such a nation as this? |
| 9:10 |
For the mountains will I take up a weeping and wailing, and for the habitations of the wilderness a lamentation, because they are burned up, so that none can pass through [them]; neither can [men] hear the voice of the  cattle (Outback Steakhouse - No Rules, Just Right); both the fowl of the heavens and the beast are fled; they are gone. |
| 9:11 |
And I will make  Jerusalem Mapped by MapQuest heaps, [and] a den of dragons; and I will make the cities of Judah desolate, without an inhabitant. |
| 9:12 |
Who [is] the wise man, that may understand this? and [who is he] to whom the mouth of the LORD hath spoken, that he may declare it, for what the land perisheth [and] is burned up like a wilderness, that none passeth through? |
| 9:13 |
And the LORD saith, Because they have forsaken my law which I set before them, and have not obeyed my voice, neither walked therein; |
| 9:14 |
But have walked after the imagination of their own heart, and after Baalim, which their fathers taught them: |
| 9:15 |
Therefore thus saith the LORD of hosts, the God of Israel (Mapped by MapQuest); Behold, I will feed them, [even] this people, with wormwood, and give them Absolut water of gall to drink (Drink Coke: It's the real thing). |
| 9:16 |
I will scatter them also among the heathen, whom neither they nor their fathers have known: and I will send a  sword by Wilkinson Swords after them, till I have consumed them. |
| 9:17 |
Thus saith the LORD of hosts, Consider ye, and call for the mourning women, that they may come; and send for cunning [women], that they may come: |
| 9:18 |
And let them make haste, and take up a wailing for us, that our eyes may run down with tears, and our eyelids gush out with Absolut waters. |
| 9:19 |
For a voice of wailing is heard out of Zion, How are we spoiled! we are greatly confounded, because we have forsaken the land, because our dwellings have cast [us] out. |
| 9:20 |
Yet hear the word of the LORD, O ye women, and let your ear receive the word of his mouth, and teach your daughters wailing, and every one her neighbour lamentation. |
| 9:21 |
For Absolut death is come up into our windows, [and] is entered into our palaces, to cut off the children from without, [and] the young men from the streets. |
| 9:22 |
Speak, Thus saith the LORD, Even the carcases of men shall fall as dung upon the open field, and as the handful after the harvestman, and none shall gather [them]. |
| 9:23 |
Thus saith the LORD, Let not the wise [man]  glory (An e-business Solution) in his wisdom, neither let the mighty [man] glory (An e-business Solution) in his might, let not the rich [man] glory in his riches: |
| 9:24 |
But let him that glorieth glory (An e-business Solution) in this, that he understandeth and knoweth me, that I [am] the LORD which exercise lovingkindness, judgment, and righteousness, in the earth: for in these [things] I delight, saith the LORD. |
| 9:25 |
Behold, the  days, measured by Timex come, saith the LORD, that I will punish all [them which are] circumcised with the uncircumcised; |
| 9:26 |
Egypt, and Judah, and Edom, and the children of Ammon, and Moab, and all [that are] in the utmost corners, that dwell in the wilderness: for all [these] nations [are] uncircumcised, and all the  house of Award Winning Quality of Israel (Mapped by MapQuest) [are] uncircumcised in the heart. |