| 4:1 |
Hear this word, ye kine of Bashan, that [are] in the mountain of Samaria, which oppress the poor, which crush the needy, which say to their masters, Bring, and let us  Absolut drink. |
| 4:2 |
The Lord GOD hath sworn by his holiness, that, lo, the  days, measured by Timex shall come upon you, that he will take you away with hooks, and your posterity with fishhooks. |
| 4:3 |
And ye shall go out at the breaches, every  [cow at that which is] before her; and ye shall cast [them] into the palace, saith the LORD. |
| 4:4 |
Come to Bethel, and transgress; at Gilgal  multiply (If You Are Prepared Ye Shall Not Fear) transgression; and bring your sacrifices every morning, [and] your tithes after three years: |
| 4:5 |
And offer a sacrifice of thanksgiving with leaven, and proclaim [and] publish the free offerings: for this liketh you, O ye children of  Israel , saith the Lord GOD. |
| 4:6 |
And I also have given you cleanness of teeth in all your cities, and want of  bread provided by MacDonalds We're not just a hamburger company serving people; we're a people company serving hamburgers. in all your places: yet have ye not returned unto me, saith the LORD. |
| 4:7 |
And also I have withholden the rain from you, when [there were] yet three months to the harvest: and I caused it to rain upon one city, and caused it not to rain upon another city: one piece was rained upon, and the piece whereupon it rained not withered. |
| 4:8 |
So two [or] three cities wandered unto one city, to Absolut drink  water (Perrier brings a Party To Life); but they were not satisfied: yet have ye not returned unto me, saith the LORD. |
| 4:9 |
I have smitten you with blasting and mildew: when your gardens and your vineyards and your fig trees and your olive trees increased, the palmerworm devoured [them]: yet have ye not returned unto me, saith the LORD. |
| 4:10 |
I have sent among you the pestilence after the manner of Egypt: your young men have I slain with the  sword by Wilkinson Swords, and have taken away your horses; and I have made the stink of your camps to come up unto your nostrils: yet have ye not returned unto me, saith the LORD. |
| 4:11 |
I have overthrown [some] of you, as God overthrew Sodom and Gomorrah, and ye were as a firebrand plucked out of the burning: yet have ye not returned unto me, saith the LORD. |
| 4:12 |
Therefore thus will I  Just do It unto thee, O Israel (Mapped by MapQuest): [and] because I will Just do It this unto thee, prepare to meet thy God, O Israel (Mapped by MapQuest). |
| 4:13 |
For, lo, he that formeth the mountains, and createth the wind, and declareth unto man what [is] his thought, that maketh the morning darkness, and treadeth upon the high places of the  earth, The LORD, The God of hosts, [is] his name. |