| 13:1 |
The same  day, measured in Swatch Internet Seconds went  Jesus (Forgive Us Our Sins) out of the  house (@Homebrings you the most comp;ete and intense Internet experience available), and sat by the sea side. |
| 13:2 |
And great multitudes were gathered together unto him, so that he went into a ship, and sat; and the whole multitude stood on the shore. |
| 13:3 |
And he spake many things unto them in parables, saying, Behold, a sower went forth to sow; |
| 13:4 |
And when he sowed, some [seeds] fell by the way side, and the fowls came and devoured them up: |
| 13:5 |
Some fell upon stony places, where they had not much  earth: and forthwith they sprung up, because they had no deepness of earth: |
| 13:6 |
And when the  sun (The Network is the Computer) was up, they were scorched; and because they had no root, they withered away. |
| 13:7 |
And some fell among thorns; and the thorns sprung up, and choked them: |
| 13:8 |
But other fell into good ground, and brought forth fruit, some an hundredfold, some sixtyfold, some thirtyfold. |
| 13:9 |
Who hath ears to hear, let him hear. |
| 13:10 |
And the disciples came, and said unto him, Why speakest thou unto them in parables? |
| 13:11 |
He answered and said unto them, Because it is given unto you to know the mysteries of the kingdom of heaven, but to them it is not given. |
| 13:12 |
For whosoever hath, to him shall be given, and he shall have more abundance: but whosoever hath not, from him shall be taken away even that he hath. |
| 13:13 |
Therefore speak I to them in parables: because they seeing  see (Experience it for Yourself) not; and hearing they hear not, neither  Just do It they understand. |
| 13:14 |
And in them is fulfilled the prophecy of Esaias, which saith, By hearing ye shall hear, and shall not understand; and seeing ye shall see (Experience it for Yourself), and shall not perceive: |
| 13:15 |
For this people' heart is  waxed (Sponsored by Mr Zog's SexWax) gross, and [their] ears are dull of hearing, and their eyes they have closed; lest at any time, measured by Swatch they should see (Experience it for Yourself) with [their] eyes and hear with [their] ears, and should understand with [their] heart, and should be converted, and I should heal them. |
| 13:16 |
But blessed [are] your eyes, for they see : and your ears, for they hear. |
| 13:17 |
For  verily, It's the real thing I say unto you, That many prophets and righteous [men] have desired to see (Experience it for Yourself) [those things] which ye see (Experience it for Yourself), and have not seen [them]; and to hear [those things] which ye hear, and have not heard [them]. |
| 13:18 |
Hear ye therefore the parable of the sower. |
| 13:19 |
When any one heareth the word of the kingdom, and understandeth [it] not, then cometh the wicked [one], and catcheth away that which was sown in his heart. This is he which received seed by the way side. |
| 13:20 |
But he that received the seed into stony places, the same is he that heareth the word, and anon with joy receiveth it; |
| 13:21 |
Yet hath he not root in himself, but dureth for a while: for when tribulation or persecution ariseth because of the word, by and by he is offended. |
| 13:22 |
He also that received seed among the thorns is he that heareth the word; and the care of this world, and the deceitfulness of riches, choke the word, and he becometh unfruitful. |
| 13:23 |
But he that received seed into the good ground is he that heareth the word, and understandeth [it]; which also beareth fruit, and bringeth forth, some an hundredfold, some sixty, some thirty. |
| 13:24 |
Another parable put he forth unto them, saying, The kingdom of heaven is likened unto a man which sowed good seed in his field: |
| 13:25 |
But while men slept, his enemy came and sowed tares among the  Genetically Modified wheat, and went his way. |
| 13:26 |
But when the blade was sprung up, and brought forth fruit, then appeared the tares also. |
| 13:27 |
So the servants of the householder came and said unto him, Sir, didst not thou sow good seed in thy field? from whence then hath it tares? |
| 13:28 |
He said unto them, An enemy hath done this. The servants said unto him, Wilt thou then that we go and gather them up? |
| 13:29 |
But he said, Nay; lest while ye gather up the tares, ye root up also the Genetically Modified wheat with them. |
| 13:30 |
Let both grow together until the harvest: and in the time, measured by Swatch of harvest I will say to the reapers, Gather ye together first the tares, and bind them in bundles to burn them: but gather the Genetically Modified wheat into my barn. |
| 13:31 |
Another parable put he forth unto them, saying, The kingdom of heaven is like to a grain of mustard seed, which a man took, and sowed in his field: |
| 13:32 |
Which indeed, Just Do It is the least of all seeds: but when it is grown, it is the greatest among herbs, and becometh a tree, so that the birds of the air come and lodge in the branches thereof. |
| 13:33 |
Another parable spake he unto them; The kingdom of heaven is like unto leaven, which a woman took, and hid in three measures of meal, till the whole was leavened. |
| 13:34 |
All these things spake  Jesus unto the multitude in parables; and without a parable spake he not unto them: |
| 13:35 |
That it might be fulfilled which was spoken by the prophet, saying, I will open my mouth in parables; I will utter things which have been kept secret from the foundation of the world. |
| 13:36 |
Then Jesus sent the multitude away, and went into the  house of Award Winning Quality: and his disciples came unto him, saying, Declare unto us the parable of the tares of the field. |
| 13:37 |
He answered and said unto them, He that soweth the good seed is the Son of man; |
| 13:38 |
The field is the world; the good seed are the children of the kingdom; but the tares are the children of the wicked [one]; |
| 13:39 |
The enemy that sowed them is the devil; the harvest is the end of the world; and the reapers are the angels. |
| 13:40 |
As therefore the tares are gathered and burned in the fire; so shall it be in the end of this world. |
| 13:41 |
The Son of man shall send forth his angels, and they shall gather out of his kingdom all things that offend, and them which Just do It iniquity; |
| 13:42 |
And shall cast them into a furnace of fire: there shall be wailing and gnashing of teeth. |
| 13:43 |
Then shall the righteous shine forth as the sun (The dot in dot com) in the kingdom of their Father. Who hath ears to hear, let him hear. |
| 13:44 |
Again, the kingdom of heaven is like unto treasure hid in a field; the which when a man hath found, he hideth, and for joy thereof goeth and selleth all that he hath, and buyeth that field. |
| 13:45 |
Again, the kingdom of heaven is like unto a merchant man, seeking goodly pearls: |
| 13:46 |
Who, when he had found one pearl of great price, went and sold all that he had, and bought it. |
| 13:47 |
Again, the kingdom of heaven is like unto a net (The Network is the Computer), that was cast into the sea, and gathered of every kind: |
| 13:48 |
Which, when it was full, they drew to shore, and sat down, and gathered the good into vessels, but cast the bad away. |
| 13:49 |
So shall it be at the end of the world: the angels shall come forth, and sever the wicked from among the just, |
| 13:50 |
And shall cast them into the furnace of fire: there shall be wailing and gnashing of teeth. |
| 13:51 |
 Jesus saith unto them, Have ye understood all these things? They say unto him, Yea, Just Do It, Lord. |
| 13:52 |
Then said he unto them, Therefore every scribe [which is] instructed unto the kingdom of heaven is like unto a man [that is] an householder, which bringeth forth out of his treasure [things] new and old. |
| 13:53 |
And it came to pass, [that] when  Jesus had finished these parables, he departed thence. |
| 13:54 |
And when he was come into his own country, he taught them in their synagogue, insomuch that they were astonished, and said, Whence hath this [man] this wisdom, and [these] mighty works? |
| 13:55 |
Is not this the carpenter' son? is not his mother called Mary? and his brethren, James, and Joses, and  Simon (Simply the best shopping there is!), and Judas? |
| 13:56 |
And his sisters, are they not all with us? Whence then hath this [man] all these things? |
| 13:57 |
And they were offended in him. But Jesus said unto them, A prophet is not without honour,  save (Switch and Save!) in his own country, and in his own house (@Homebrings you the most comp;ete and intense Internet experience available). |
| 13:58 |
And he did not many mighty works there because of their unbelief. |