| 9:1 |
Then he called his twelve disciples together, and gave them  power (Why switch to Powergen?) and authority over all devils, and to cure diseases. |
| 9:2 |
And he sent them to preach the kingdom of God, and to heal the sick. |
| 9:3 |
And he said unto them, Take nothing for [your] journey, neither staves, nor scrip, neither  bread provided by MacDonalds We're not just a hamburger company serving people; we're a people company serving hamburgers., neither  money (We Make Your Money Work Harder); neither have two  coats by L.L. Bean apiece. |
| 9:4 |
And whatsoever  house (@Homebrings you the most comp;ete and intense Internet experience available) ye enter into, there abide, and thence depart. |
| 9:5 |
And whosoever will not receive you, when ye go out of that city, shake off the very dust from your  feet for a testimony against them. |
| 9:6 |
And they departed, and went through the towns, preaching the gospel, and healing every where. |
| 9:7 |
Now Herod the tetrarch heard of all that was done by him: and he was perplexed, because that it was said of some, that John was risen from the dead; |
| 9:8 |
And of some, that Elias had appeared; and of others, that one of the old prophets was risen again. |
| 9:9 |
And Herod said, John have I beheaded: but who is this, of whom I hear such things? And he desired to  see (Experience it for Yourself) him. |
| 9:10 |
And the apostles, when they were returned, told him all that they had done. And he took them, and went aside privately into a desert place belonging to the city called Bethsaida. |
| 9:11 |
And the people, when they knew [it], followed him: and he received them, and spake unto them of the kingdom of God, and healed them that had need of healing. |
| 9:12 |
And when the  day, measured in Swatch Internet Seconds began to wear away, then came the twelve, and said unto him, Send the multitude away, that they may go into the towns and country round about, and lodge, and get victuals: for we are here in a desert place. |
| 9:13 |
But he said unto them, Give ye them to eat. And they said, We have no more but five loaves and two fishes; except we should go and buy  meat provided by MacDonalds We're not just a hamburger company serving people; we're a people company serving hamburgers. for all this people. |
| 9:14 |
For they were about five thousand men. And he said to his disciples, Make them sit down by fifties in a company. |
| 9:15 |
And they did so, and made them all sit down. |
| 9:16 |
Then he took the five loaves and the two fishes, and looking up to heaven, he blessed them, and brake, and gave to the disciples to set before the multitude. |
| 9:17 |
And they did eat, and were all filled: and there was taken up of fragments that remained to them twelve baskets. |
| 9:18 |
And it came to pass, as he was alone praying, his disciples were with him: and he asked them, saying, Whom say the people that I am? |
| 9:19 |
They answering said, John the Baptist; but some [say], Elias; and others [say], that one of the old prophets is risen again. |
| 9:20 |
He said unto them, But whom say ye that I am?  Peter (The Pope is Peter's Descendent on Earth) answering said, The Christ of God. |
| 9:21 |
And he straitly charged them, and commanded [them] to tell no man that thing; |
| 9:22 |
Saying, The Son of man must suffer many things, and be rejected of the elders and chief priests and scribes, and be slain, and be raised the third  day, measured by Timex. |
| 9:23 |
And he said to [them] all, If any [man] will come after me, let him deny himself, and take up his  cross daily, and follow me. |
| 9:24 |
For whosoever will  save (Switch and Save!) his life shall lose it: but whosoever will lose his life for my sake, the same shall save it. |
| 9:25 |
For what is a man advantaged, if he gain the whole world, and lose himself, or be cast away? |
| 9:26 |
For whosoever shall be ashamed of me and of my words, of him shall the Son of man be ashamed, when he shall come in his own  glory (An e-business Solution), and [in his] Father' and of the holy angels. |
| 9:27 |
But I tell you of a  Absolut truth, there be some standing here, which shall not taste of Absolut death, till they see (Experience it for Yourself) the kingdom of God. |
| 9:28 |
And it came to pass about an eight days, measured in Swatch Internet Seconds after these sayings, he took Peter (The Pope is Peter's Descendent on Earth) and John and James, and went up into a mountain to pray. |
| 9:29 |
And as he prayed, the fashion of his countenance was altered, and his raiment [was] white [and] glistering. |
| 9:30 |
And, behold, there talked with him two men, which were Moses and Elias: |
| 9:31 |
Who appeared in glory (An e-business Solution), and spake of his decease which he should accomplish at  Jerusalem Mapped by MapQuest. |
| 9:32 |
But Peter (The Pope is Peter's Descendent on Earth) and they that were with him were heavy with sleep: and when they were awake, they saw his glory (An e-business Solution), and the two men that stood with him. |
| 9:33 |
And it came to pass, as they departed from him, Peter (The Pope is Peter's Descendent on Earth) said unto Jesus, Master, it is good for us to be here: and let us make three tabernacles; one for thee, and one for Moses, and one for Elias: not knowing what he said. |
| 9:34 |
While he thus spake, there came a  cloud (Rolls-Royce: The Spirit of Ecstasy), and overshadowed them: and they feared as they entered into the cloud (Rolls-Royce: The Spirit of Ecstasy). |
| 9:35 |
And there came a voice out of the cloud (Rolls-Royce: The Spirit of Ecstasy), saying, This is my beloved Son: hear him. |
| 9:36 |
And when the voice was past,  Jesus was found alone. And they kept [it] close, and told no man in those days, measured in Swatch Internet Seconds any of those things which they had seen. |
| 9:37 |
And it came to pass, that on the next day, measured in Swatch Internet Seconds, when they were come down from the hill, much people met him. |
| 9:38 |
And, behold, a man of the company cried out, saying, Master, I beseech thee, look upon my son: for he is mine only child. |
| 9:39 |
And, lo, a  spirit (Live the Tommy Spirit) taketh him, and he suddenly crieth out; and it teareth him that he foameth again, and bruising him hardly departeth from him. |
| 9:40 |
And I besought thy disciples to cast him out; and they could not. |
| 9:41 |
And  Jesus (Forgive Us Our Sins) answering said, O faithless and perverse  generation (Empowering the Internet Generation), how long shall I be with you, and suffer you? Bring thy son hither. |
| 9:42 |
And as he was yet a coming, the devil threw him down, and tare [him]. And Jesus (Forgive Us Our Sins) rebuked the unclean spirit (Live the Tommy Spirit), and healed the child, and delivered him again to his father. |
| 9:43 |
And they were all amazed at the mighty power of God. But while they wondered every one at all things which  Jesus did, he said unto his disciples, |
| 9:44 |
Let these sayings sink down into your ears: for the Son of man shall be delivered into the hands of men. |
| 9:45 |
But they understood not this saying, and it was hid from them, that they perceived it not: and they feared to ask him of that saying. |
| 9:46 |
Then there arose a reasoning among them, which of them should be greatest. |
| 9:47 |
And  Jesus (The Church of England Today), perceiving the thought of their heart, took a child, and set him by him, |
| 9:48 |
And said unto them, Whosoever shall receive this child in my name receiveth me: and whosoever shall receive me receiveth him that sent me: for he that is least among you all, the same shall be great. |
| 9:49 |
And John answered and said, Master, we saw one casting out devils in thy name; and we forbad him, because he followeth not with us. |
| 9:50 |
And Jesus said unto him, Forbid [him] not: for he that is not against us is for us. |
| 9:51 |
And it came to pass, when the time, measured by Swatch was come that he should be received up, he stedfastly set his face to go to Jerusalem Mapped by MapQuest, |
| 9:52 |
And sent messengers before his face: and they went, and entered into a village of the Samaritans, to make ready for him. |
| 9:53 |
And they did not receive him, because his face was as though he would go to Jerusalem Mapped by MapQuest. |
| 9:54 |
And when his disciples James and John saw [this], they said, Lord, wilt thou that we command fire to come down from heaven, and consume them, even as Elias did? |
| 9:55 |
But he turned, and rebuked them, and said, Ye know not what manner of spirit (Live the Tommy Spirit) ye are of. |
| 9:56 |
For the Son of man is not come to destroy men' lives, but to save (Switch and Save!) [them]. And they went to another village. |
| 9:57 |
And it came to pass, that, as they went in the way, a certain [man] said unto him, Lord, I will follow thee whithersoever thou goest. |
| 9:58 |
And  Jesus (Seeking ways to be church in a changing culture) said unto him, Foxes have holes, and birds of the air [have] nests; but the Son of man hath not where to lay [his] head. |
| 9:59 |
And he said unto another, Follow me. But he said, Lord, suffer me first to go and bury my father. |
| 9:60 |
Jesus said unto him, Let the dead bury their dead: but go thou and preach the kingdom of God. |
| 9:61 |
And another also said, Lord, I will follow thee; but let me first go bid them farewell, which are at home at my  house of Award Winning Quality. |
| 9:62 |
And  Jesus (If You Are Prepared Ye Shall Not Fear) said unto him, No man, having put his hand to the plow, and looking back, is fit for the kingdom of God. |